My Un-Fairy Tale III

Temmuz 30, 2021 0 Yazar: admin

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My Un-Fairy Tale IIIby Michael Richard on Thursday, December 11, 2008.Once upon a time, (I think it may have been last month), in a kingdom far away, (it might have been down the road, past the big red barn, and down the a****l trail to the right), there stands an old windmill, and in that old windmill lives a young tinker. Now this tinker was many centuries ahead of his time, having just discovered electricity last week, and created the electric light bulb the other day. He is just putting the finishing touches on his latest invention that he’s going to call a battery. As with all the heroes of these stories, he dreams of adventure, and hopes one day to rescue a beautiful princess, who will be so grateful that she’ll overlook his incredibly nerdy, and geeky appearance, fall in madly in love, marry him, and live happily ever after.He finishes his battery, and heads into the village to celebrate at the local tavern with a steak sandwich, and a large glass of milk. (Hey, remember, he is a nerdy geek!) While he is sitting quietly in a corner, trying rather unsuccessfully not to stare down the waitress’ plunging neckline as she leans over to place his over-cooked steak sandwich on the table in front of him, a drunk messenger staggers in and bellies up to the bar.”Hey, barkeep”, the messenger shouts, “gert me a drank!” The messenger quickly downs his drink, and rudely asks for another. The drunken messenger takes his newly filled mug, and staggers straight toward the quiet tinker’s table.”Excuse me”, the drunken messenger mumbles, “are you Gurterude the Great. I have a message for a Gurterude the Great.”The tinker shakes his head but the messenger busy downing his mug of ale continues anyway.”Well, Gurterude, eer eet goes. Der ess dis err princess, end she’d manisa escort be eternally grateful, , if zum wun would come end rescue er from zom stoned tower that she is locked in. “The messenger then drops a scroll on the table in front of the speechless tinker, and says, “Dis er is a map which shows ya jest where da princess’ tower be. “The messenger then staggers toward the door. He takes about 2 steps and then suddenly lurches to his left tripping the poor waitress, (she must be very poor, since she can’t afford enough clothing to properly cover herself), and then passes out on her using her very ample bossem as a pillow.The young tinker still not fully believing his luck, slowly grabs the map, and quietly makes his way out of the tavern actually stepping over the sleeping messenger, and the struggling waitress.Once he returns to the safely of his windmill home with the door firmly bolted shut, he slowly opens the map mistakenly given to him by the drunken messenger. A small note falls out of the map, after picking it up from the floor he reads, “Dearest Gurterude, we, the people of Fura Whea, humbly request a wizard of your rank, and ability to take time from his very busy schedule to rescue Xeldra, our king’s youngest daughter, who has been k**napped by Zalrah, the dark wizard, and imprisoned in a tall stone tower located on the top of the mountain marked by the ‘X’ on the map that should have been delivered with this note. The only path up the mountain has been enchanted by Zalrah, so that anyone trying to climb the mountain by way of the path will never ever reach the top. As far as we know, that is the only enchantment Zalrah has placed on the mountain.” The note is signed with a large wax seal bearing the maraş escort seal of the King of Fura Whea.The young tinker never having heard of Gurterude the Great, the dark wizard Zalrah, or even the kingdom of Fura Whea, deciding that this might be his only chance to full fill his dreams of adventure, quickly packs his steam-powered horseless carriage with a few of his gadgets that he hopes might help rescue a young beautiful princess from inside a dark wizard’s tall stone tower on top of an enchanted mountain.He then closes and locks his door, activates his steam-powered, junk throwing security system, and drives off down the road in his horseless carriage.After a rather uneventful three days of driving at the speed of two horse, (a unit of speed that he created), he finally reaches the kingdom of Fura Whea. Using the map given to him my the drunken messenger, he eventually finds the enchanted mountain. He then parks his steam-powered horseless carriage, and grabs his far-seeing goggles from his pack to check if the tower is in fact on top of this mountain, and that he wasn`t reading the map upside down again. Using his goggles, he quickly spots Zalrah`s tall stone tower on the mountaintop, and also sees a dragon that appears to be having a fight with something.He grabs his pack from the back of his carriage, and double checks to see if his dragon-slaying hand held cannon is still fastened to the side.He then using his rope launcher, shoots a rope right to the top of the mountain. He is pleased to see that the dragon is too preoccupied fighting whatever it is he`s fighting to have noticed the tinker`s rope. He then fastens his crank-powered mountain climbing system to the rope, and proceeds to quietly crank his way up the mountain. escort bayan After a tiring 20 minutes, he finally reaches the top.He quickly pulls himself the last few feet and on to the mountaintop. With a start he suddenly remembers the dragon, and looks up just in time to see the dragon collapse to the ground, and move no more.He approaches the dragon slowly, and as he gets closer he sees what appears to be a pink garter belt tight around the dragon`s neck. Just then a half-dressed amazon warrior leaps from behind the dragon. With a scream rivalling that of any 3 year-old girl, the tinker falls backward landing anything but gracefully on his butt.The amazon warrior seeing the tinker fall backward like that, suddenly starts to laugh, and says, ¨You must be the hero, that Daddy found to rescue me. Sorry, but I got tired of waiting, and decided to rescue myself. No hard feelings, Bub.¨The tinker finally realises that the amazon warrior, correction, the beautiful, young princess is actually standing there before him in nothing but her underwear suddenly turns away in embarrassment. The nearly naked princess laughs again at the young tinkers embarrassment, and turns back to the dragon to recover her garter belt from its neck.The princess still chuckling at the embarrassed tinker, who is still sitting on the ground trying, unsuccessfully, not to stare at the nearly naked princess, heads back to the tall stone tower. After a few minutes she returns still only wearing her underwear, and carrying a small bag.¨Wow, that was fun! Do you know of any other dragons around here?¨, asks the princess to the tinker, ¨Just let my Daddy know that I`m fine, and that he doesn`t need to worry about me. I`m off to find myself another dragon or two, that was a real rush! You really should try that sometime, you`ve never really lived until you`ve killed a dragon with your bare hands!¨With that the half naked princess turns and sets off down the winding mountain path, leaving the stunned tinker, still sitting in the dust, staring after her.The end?

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